Squirrel Rant

I just wanted to take a moment and show damage from one of my biggest urban pests: squirrels. I hate squirrels with a passion these days. They dig up bulbs, plants, and fences. They eat random plants for no reason, even if they don't like it, they'll take a bite of each flower, bulb, or plant. They girdle our hollies every year. They're morbidly obese in our park, feeding off of tourists and mayonnaise packets. (Yes, its gross). They spend all day nibbling on our irrigation lines, pulling trash out of cans, and sitting on the shoulders of tourists.

I can no longer plant any edible ornamentals. Cabbage and Kale are out of the question for any fall display.  All bulbs need to be double layered in chicken wire to prevent the squirrels from digging them up. I can't plant any annuals in six packs or generally anything less than 8inch.

And realistically this is just the start of their issues. Part of being an animal in a contained urban environment with too much food is that the squirrels breed quickly producing many generations from the same parents. This eventually leads to serious inbreeding and mutations that I have to face as a park worker every day. We have squirrels missing parts, having tumors, squirrels that don't know how to actually climb from limb to limb. Squirrels that walk up to red tailed hawks like they might have food for them.

There is something seriously unnatural about that sort of thing.

The worst part about it is that everyone is an animal lover. Everyone wants to save the squirrels. As an American, I am baffled by my fellow citizens. Over 40 million Americans said that they did not have access to healthcare that they needed in 2005. How can we find this acceptable for our fellow human beings while pretending that we are showing some noble compassion for a creature that is supposed to be able to navigate trees without falling out and can't because they are too fat. I saw a hawk try to carry one off the other day and couldn't. Hawks can generally carry prey at weights up to a pound and a half. I'm pretty grossed out by the prospect of a 2 pound squirrel. Our hawk isn't small either.

 ugh.. way to keep your irrigation running.